Post by Webmistress on Jan 4, 2013 4:09:36 GMT -5
[glow=brown,2,300]The Obama Chronicles [/glow]
The drums are sounding in the distance. It's a celebration, a child is born, and the natives are restless. The chief walks over to the hut where the woman was in labor for three moons and a semi sun rise. The woman yells, "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, GET THIS KID OUT OF ME, NOW!" The proud father walks out from the hut and starts to hand out blood diamond studded cigars. The chief asks"What is it, boy or girl?" The father replies, "It is my son and he will be named after his father." The chief said, "Who Frank?" The father replies, "No, Barack is my name, he will have my name." The chief then walks away and under his breath he says, "I thought Frank Davis was the father. Geese." The Cheif turns and says, "By the way, I have a gift, I am giving you ta bigger home since you have been so loyal. Here are the keys to Hut two three four.
Young Barack was raised in tribal fashion. He was honored and showered with lavish gifts. The father, Barack, sold the gifts and the family moved to Indonesia. Funny though, Frank Davis lived right nest door. Obama Sr. started to get suspicious, when he came home early from a hunting accident, and saw the two necking on his sofa. "Wife, what are you doing in the arms of another?" He asked. "Oh dearest husband, you are so jealous. Frank is just showing me the ritual of the monkey groom." She replied. Frank asks Obama senior what he had in the sack. Obama told him it was supper. Frank then asked, "What you got there, dog?" Obama Sr. replied, "No, white castle."
Obama Sr finally wised up when he saw his wife dressed in some sort of leather garb, and a whip. "Oh baby, it is only a photo shoot, we can use the extra money, and Frank, well he was just doing me, I mean posing me." Obama Sr was never seen or heard from again.
Frank mentored little Barack until one day, his precious girlfriend was being posed by someone else. His name was Keluarga Besar Lolo Soetoro who would become Little Baracks step Father who would move little O to Hawaii.Soon after, Keluarga Besar Lolo Soetoro left, not because his girl was cheating on him, but because no one could pronounce his name. He did however say good bye to little O. "Barry, it is time you knew the truth. You're real Father was born in Africa. He was a big gambler there. He was from a tribe in Kenya." Barry asked, "Zulu's" Soetoro repl;ied, "No actually he won, a lot." Soetoro walked out and started the first African radio station, KBLS. Little Barack was then starting to act out at both his new daddy, and his mom and grand mom. His mother sent him away, and before she did, she sat the child down and told him all about his four fathers. "You see child, your first father was not really named Barack, who names their child that, anyway, his real name was Washington, George Washington. Little Barack smiled and asked if he was named after the first President of the United States, and she simply replied, "No silly, he was named after George Foreman. Washington was a capitalist, and we don't believe in that sort of thing. Now let me tell you about our cause, communism."
Little Baracks mom told him all about communism, his four fathers, and then finally shipped him off to live with a man she was infatuated with Bill Ayers. He taught Little Barack all about demolition, and where to place the dynamite. He taught him of a very evil place called the United States. Little Barack was confused. He had always heard great things about America. Bill asked the question, "Hey little Buddy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Barack said, "I want to be President." Just then a light bulb went off in Bills head, and a bomb went off at some police station in Chicago. Bill Ayers from that day forward started grooming Barry to be President, only with a twist. He gave Barry fake history books to read, and told him all about how a real President should act. Barry fell for it hook, line and sinker.
Once Barry was old enough, he was sent into the real world where he would be a part time community organizer, and a full time used car salesman. Ten years would pass, and a whole lot of bad deals, and fake ID's later, Barry and Bill Ayers crossed paths once again. "It's time" Bill said, Barry asked, "Time for what?" Bill said, he knew how he could win a senate seat and he had friends who could insure his win, and then after that it is the run for the White House.. Barry told Bill he was used to the easy life, sitting around and taking it east and asked Bill if it was hard work. Bill replied, "Heck no, half the time, you don't even have to show up, and the rest of the time, you can take a vacation or two." Barry was in like Flynn. Barack was told to change his image, shorten his name to Barry, and get himself a wife. Barry was not really interested in girls, but Bill insisted it was only for cosmetics. He married his paid for wife. and they did become friends, in fact they built a wonderful life together doing things together, well, they even lost their law licenses together once they got involved in real estate fraud. Eventually Michelle had babies, and although she would have loved to name them both Frank, she knew Frank for girls just would never do, so she took a scrabble game and tossed the tiles into the air, and the ones that landed face up, would be the girls names. One day Michelle was eating a pile of White Castle burgers, and pounding down a beer watching the Nicks game, when she saw some idiot waving =the American flag.That frightened her and she spilled the beer, and dropped a few burgers on the floor. "Damn, all this for a damn flag," she stated. Barack heard her and the two started talking and decided, how Barack should run the country if he ever got the chance. They wanted to make it a country anyone would be proud to live in. Just then the Transformers movie came on, and Barry looked at Michelles eyes and said, "I wish I could transform America, into some kind of robot, or even a semi truck." Michele replied, "Ok, look Barry, from now on, you do not speak in public, until the words are written for you, maybe on teleprompter or something." Cause you aint right my man, I mean, if you was a moron, it would be a step up." From that moment forward, Barry was not allowed to speak unless the words were written for him.
The day had come that Barry would run for President. Bill Ayers already got the gang together, the reverend, the panthers, ACORN, the whole shebang, and they set fourth the perfect campaign, hiding the fact that Barry was literally a moron. It would not be an easy task, but they knew, if he was only to speak with well written speeches on prompters, and if they could actually pay off the media to edit out anything Barry would do that would be stupid, they could win this thing, and that would be a win for the communists. Barry went to visit the National Monument in DC. He saw a copy of the Constitution hanging in the vestibule. He asked Bill what it was, and bill said, "Oh that old thing, it doesn't mean anything, and if anyone ever tells you it does, ignore them, they are spies."
Obama won the election, "Raise your right hand, no the other right hand Barry and repeat after me. I. Barack Hussein Obama? Husein? You've got to be kidding me, um I mean, swear to uphold the constitution..." With that said, Barry tuned the judge out because he knew he must be a spy to bring up that old rag. Just then Obama's pants fell off. Joe Biden a clown who was there for comic relief, and Barrys hand picked Vice President said, "That's a huge F'en deal!" Barry smiled and pulled up his pants and walked off the stage. Biden was hand picked because he is more stupid that Barry which could only make Barry look smarter.
So there you have it folks, the rest is history, Barack Husein Obama, would go down in history, and his chauffeur car, to make history as the first black man, and the first clueless communist to dawn the halls of the White house. He would be so grateful, he would start sending a lot of people free stuff as a thanks.
The End
